11:30pm 3rd of February.
That was the last moment I saw him, still breathing, before the car sped off to the hospital, again.
The night was hazy, smoky than normal. Well, it's CNY. Everyone in the neighborhood, all around the city (around the world even) were celebrating the coming of the first day of the Rabbit year.
But it was a very silent, least comfortable, far than joyous night for us.
Earlier that evening, he had shown his uncomfortableness from his heavy breathing. He just have been discharged from the ward early that evening, after lodging in Ward 3 then Ward 8 for exactly two weeks. Prescribed strictly with six kind of medication, at the end he still couldn't managed to take even just one tablet. His aspiration pneumonia has been disabling him from taking food normally, thus he had to "eat" using NG feeding since admitted to the hospital. That night, his scheduled "meal" was at 11:00pm. That was also the last time I get the chance to feed him.
His condition getting worse gradually and after the meal, his breathing obviously became more difficult, and his temperature was also rising. It barely reached twelve hours after his discharged. After considering several options, finally my dad agreed to send him back to the hospital (I clearly understand why my dad being reluctance to resend him back to the hospital. It was a painful decision to make. Still, I couldn't blame my dad for his call. I myself would chose the same solution in that condition). Watching my dad and my sister's fiancee carrying him into the car, never crossed my mind that would be the last time I would see him alive. I would have hop in the car if not for terrible fatigue that's been crawling all over my body at that time. And if only my ear didn't start hurting that night, I would probably had the chance spending that final night with him in the ward.
According to my sis who had left staying with him at the hospital, he let out his last breath without almost any difficulties in that fateful morning. She herself left stunned for a few second before she could register what was really happening to him. The obviously panic nurse failed to help my sis to clear the puzzle in her mind at that time. Only after the doctor's confirmation, she registered the real condition and managed to gather herself back before start sending the unfortunate news to the rest of us who was at home.
I would always remember that memorable day.
On Hijrah calendar, it was the last day of Safar, while it was also the first day on Chinese calendar.
While it may be a significant, wonderful & happy new year for most people, it will remain as a day that brings totally different meanings for me...
"Moga rohmu dicucuri rahmat, mendapat syafaat & ditempatkan dikalangan hamba-hambaNya yang beriman....amin... Al-Fatihah buatmu, Pakyeng tercinta"
